Sad to say.....some things never change...does sentimentality of what we want the holidays to be for others, push us to soldier on and create the "perfect day" for everyone else. Do we secretly wish the New Year would hurry up and get here so we can take a break and relax from all the extra work and added expense? How many times were you in the middle of all the craziness that the holidays entail, when you found yourself saying, I'm not going to do this much next year...I'm going to cut back on the festivities???
How is it, that in this day and age, when both partners in a relationship work and carry joint responsibilities for the family, that one half of the couple is the force behind the preparation for all the holidays? I'm not sure about the rest of the world out there (tongue in cheek-because yes...I AM pretty darn sure), but if I didn't do it...it just didn't get done. Case in point, when I decided to cut back on the holidays, there was no one that said, "Oh honey, you've done most of the work around the holidays for the last 20 years, let me take over." Not quite, when I chose to stop, the holidays ceased to exist...plain and simply, if it was up to the men in our family, there would have been no Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, and generally any gatherings that we all come together to celebrate. I'm not singling out my family in particular...this situation exists across the board. Although I personally have not been a witness to the exceptions to this rule, I'm quite sure they do exist.
I have never seen a man stressed out at the holidays...I'm not sure what would happen to Christmas, if all the woman decided that they'd had enough and turned the reins over to their spouses. If you think the stores are having a tough time staying afloat in this economy, can you imagine the impact that would be created if for just one year, every female took a break from holiday preparations....the world would stand still?!?! Except of course, on Christmas Eve...never mind Black Friday...the 24th would easily take the place of that little shopping phenomenon by a mile. Most husbands only responsibility during this time of the year, is to pop into the store right before the 25th to pick out a gift for his spouse, and also put up the Christmas lights if they happen to partake in those kind of decorations. The remainder of the preparations, fall to the wife....no matter the family situation, the scenario differs very little from country to country.
In our house, my mother did all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, decorating, and eventually un-decorating of the house each year. And, if my memory serves me correctly, my father carved the turkey and may have helped with the pots and pans in the later years after dinner. As a child, I recall getting away from the dining room table and while my brothers went off to play, I was required to help my mother clean up the mess in the kitchen. It was not just one or two days a year...this was the way it was all the time in my house. Many years later when we finally got a dishwasher, the boys had to help load/unload it and perhaps they washed a pot or two.
I wish I could say that I've seen an equal sharing of tasks over the years, but I am still witness to female friends and family that continue to bear the brunt of the responsibility during this season. Just take a quick peek at your Facebook page...how many men have listed a cooking, cleaning, and current shopping status next to their name?
As woman, we are truly in the driver's seat, it's only a matter of putting your foot on the break pedal to complete the cycle...no gas....no work...less stress. Go out for dinner....let someone else do the cooking...put up a few special decorations, enjoy the holiday in a way that makes you happy, the rest of the family will eventually get the idea and either pick up where you left off, or not. I've always felt that most of what we do around this time of year is for the young children and with no little ones around, it becomes very routine and more about how much activity you can cram into the last 6 weeks of the year. I firmly believe that it should be a group effort with everyone who celebrates, pitching in to take a different task.
Why does everyone just automatically expect the female gender to take the responsibility for everyone's holiday experience? I have noticed that as families grow and the generations progress...the roles change and the workload falls to the next group of females in line. While this certainly allows the elders of the family a break of sorts, it still perpetuates the tradition of a woman as the main character, director and producer of this holiday show. Over the last few years, I've spoken to many woman in my age group, who are more than happy to simplify the holidays at this time in their lives. However, it still bothers me that the current scenario plays itself out from year to year, with very little variation of who steps into the role of super hero.
I hung up my cape in January of 2000 and now I watch as the cycle continues, not only during the holidays, but at every other time of the year. Do men just not care...or have they decided it's easier to take a back seat in these situations? I honestly think there is something wrong with this picture...unfortunately, I'm not sure if we will ever evolve in this particular aspect of family life. I'm thinking the Wonder Women of this generation need a break...without feeling like they've let others down. I can only hope that as my adult children begin their own family traditions and it's time to decide who will put on those capes....it will eventually be....one size fits ALL?!?
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