In the course of a normal day, or week, or month or let's even stretch it out to a year...how often do you say the word "no" to anyone? How often to your children, how often to your spouse, how often to your parents, how often to a co-worker, how often to a stranger on the street, how often to a telemarketer, and ultimately...how often to yourself? Is "no" really such a bad word?
Because we don't want a small child to learn "no" as their very first word, we have to be very creative as parents on how to teach them what they may or may not do, touch and have, and more often than not, it's for their own protection. I like the phrase "not for babies" which is also a negative, but with a much softer tone. By way of explanation, you are trying to teach the child that this is something that is not safe nor is it appropriate for him or her. And although I like the concept and feel that it is very affective, the first lesson of course is to teach them that they are actually the "baby." Once they begin to understand and you get over that initial hurdle, the rest should be a piece of cake.
Its obvious why we work so diligently to keep the word "no" out of our vocabulary when speaking to a child, we would really prefer they don't turn around and direct it right back towards us. Such a simple and easy one syllable word to say, that has a very strong meaning for all of us. Obviously at some point, toddlers are eventually going to learn the word, and we can only hope that they are as gentle on their parents as we have been on them. Although we rarely had to say no to our children, we always felt the need to explain to them why, on some occasions, it was necessary. They were intelligent enough to understand our reasoning, and although our children didn't always agree with our explanations, it softened the blow for everyone concerned.
As an adult, I found it extremely difficult to say no to my parents. I was so accustomed to complying with their wishes, that to actually have the option of responding in the negative seemed an obscure thought at best. I recall with such clarity the first time I told my mother no...I was in my mid thirties and it had never occurred to me until that very moment, that there was an alternative to always saying yes. My adult children have absolutely no problem telling us no, and I take no offense to that response from them. We raised them to be very independent thinkers and just a generation or two ago, that was not always the case, or maybe I was a very slow learner.
At this point in my life, I'm still not overly fond of the word, especially when a heated discussion ensues and the results are conflicted. Which unfortunately, is exactly how it all went down this week. I usually consider myself to be pretty non-confrontational, perhaps that was my problem growing up...I didn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers.
Which leads me to my little dilemma (and it really is small potatoes--not many big happenings going on with me usually), I ended up saying no to the one person I least like saying no to.....I had to say "no" to ME!!!
The one individual I can always count on....I typically try to defer to the voice of reason under most circumstances. Who knows me better than I know myself??? But what happens when the frivolous side of your brain has an argument with the reasonable side of your brain? Does the voice of reason even stand a chance, will I just roll over on myself and give in like I did years ago when the kids would wear me down???? (yes they did that, and actually got away with it sometimes--Brian, who was the most mild-mannered child you could ever hope to meet, perfected the art at a very young age)
Since early Thursday morning...two voices in my head have been debating the pros and cons of going out at night after work mid-week. I really love to go out to eat, and I really love to go to the movies...and I really wanna go...yes, just about now you are all asking....sweetie, you need a little cheese to go with your whine??? Bottom line, all the girls at work were getting together to go to dinner at about 5:30, then a movie at 7:30, which would put me home at around 10pm. I know, I'm such a big wuss...a simple evening out and I'm turning it into the great debate. Let's face facts, some nights I'm ready for bed about the same time this movie was starting. Considering how sleepy I was sure to be and everything else I still had to do before my flight on Friday, going out just didn't seem like a smart decision. The honest truth is, I like me more when I am well rested and quite frankly, I'm sure the people around me like me better too.
My preferred option for a movie night (when it's just me and Nancy) in the middle of the work week, is an EARLY show around 5, than grab a bite to eat before heading home. That scenario really works for me because I'm home and comfortably snuggling on the couch by 8 at the latest. When the whole gang goes out (maybe once or twice a year), it turns into an all night production. This is when I have one of those "how the heck did I raise 2 kids, run a household, work a 40 hour week and stay upright???" moments....I was SO smart to have my children when I was younger!!! It really sucks to get old :(
I also knew my final work day of the week, was going to be pretty busy. Friday, I'll be at my desk by 7:30, then at 8:30 am, I'll be attending our annual holiday booze brawl...oops, I mean breakfast. And, at 12:00 pm I'll be attending the United Way volunteer appreciation chicken and pasta (oh boy!) luncheon at the North Palm Beach country club (nuttin fancy folks--just a public golf course and pool). So I'm guessing I might need to get at least a little bit of work done before heading out the door early at 2:30 (gotta love those comp hours) and that will require me to have a functioning brain in my head for at least a portion of the day. Less sleep==less function in my book. Then of course, I'll be getting on a plane at 8pm and arriving in Boston at 11pm. In order to keep my wits about me for that long day...I will really need a decent night's sleep to face the 16 busy hours a head of me.
That being said, I was actually considering going to dinner and skipping the movie. Then I shot down that idea because they are going to Sals and, I'm not a big fan of the Italian stuff--I'm sorry, never mind my Italian heritage, I'm the only one of the four of us who could take it or leave it...and I'd mostly just "leave it." As a yummy substitute, and one sure way to make that other annoying voice in my head go away, for lunch I opted for a mozzarella-prosciutto-spinach-tomato sandwich on a kalamata-cheese roll...dee-lish!!! Sorry, no picture...I actually thought about it, then decided nah...and just took a bite :)
I'd prefer to always give in and tell myself yes all the time, however, I'd really rather not suffer the consequences of one late night out, when I've planned to spend a great weekend with Stacey. When will I ever learn, you can't always have your cake and eat it to, there are limits to what I can push myself to do in a 48 hour period. I am slowly coming round to accepting the word no as a plausible answer, even when part of me knows, it's really not what I want to hear.
My consolation prize......two other ladies were also exhausted at the end of the work day and opted out of the plans...the three of us will try again next week, when I actually know the right answer is YES!!!
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