At this time of the year, as folks are putting away their costumes from the "scariest" night of the year, I'm reminded of those things that actually cause fear in so many people. Are we really frightened of the idea of what will happen to us when we don't have complete control over a particular experience? Or, is it just how we might feel, if we put ourselves into what we perceive as an uncomfortable situation? Is it honestly as simple as...."I know I'm going to react badly because I'm afraid of xyz, therefore I will never allow myself to try xyz"
I tend to be an overly rational person, perhaps at times to my own detriment. I rarely allow others to influence or affect how I feel about something, at least, that is my goal at the outset. In the last decade of my life, I've began to notice many people I come into contact with, have several personal phobias. At this point, it seems unfamiliar to me...the few things I had previously put into the "I'm afraid of" category, no longer have the power to overcome my rational thinking. Although I don't have an actual memory of when I turned the corner, without realizing it, I finally pushed through the barrier I had erected around myself. There are times in our lives, when a decision to avoid something due to phobia, is completely thrown out the window, and we have no other choice than to grit our teeth and bear it. Looking back, it's clear to me that my ability to overcome this self-inflicted fear, was a triumph over something that had the potential to hold me back in all aspects of my life. I am frequently conscious of one particular truism running through my head...."we are our own worst enemies" and it is never more true, than when we allow our actions to be ruled by our own misgivings and fears. It is a well known fact that babies are born without any fear or phobias to speak of. Most, if not all of the fears we have as we grow up, are initially placed inside our heads by outside influences...scary movies, police reports on tv, reading horrific stories in the papers, and being taught by our parents at a very young age...don't do this, don't do that...."you'll poke your eye out"
Although it has taken a good portion of my life to come to this realization, I firmly believe that if you use common sense during any decision making process, you will avoid catastrophe without missing out on all that life has to offer. There are people who have never been on a cruise ship, one of the so-called reasons....the bathrooms might be too small!!! HUH!?!? Have you been in the restroom stalls in any public venue lately...now THAT is small! I am not particularly fond of public restrooms (I prefer to use the handicap stall if available), although my mother says when I was little, everywhere we went, I'd continually want to check them out. I don't recall why, but I'm pretty sure I was just being nosey...I was always on a quest to discover everything and anything new, outside the confines of my own small universe. Sometimes my perpetual wandering would get me in to trouble, however, that rarely stopped me.......even as an adult, I ended up inside the 10k zone close to the East/West German border back in the early 80's, but that's another story. I'm quite sure that my inquisitive nature as a child, was just an indication of my lifelong obsession of wanting to discover what exists outside my comfort zone. I constantly have the desire to feed my brain with new and interesting information, to stave off what I perceive to be, the boredom of everyday life.
Even as I grew a bit older, I was always excited whenever I learned we would be spending time at any new location. I recall being fascinated by an empty classroom at Connecticut College one Saturday morning, when my parents were at an all day dress rehearsal for one of the many Pfizer plays there were involved in. I was a student who wasn't particularly fond of school, but the appeal of that big empty room, with oversize desks and a huge empty blackboard, intrigued me to no end. All the parents were busy, and the children were left to entertain themselves....we searched out a quiet place to play pretend school, and the rows of vacant classrooms down the long hallway, called out to us. Similarly, while attending a catholic grammar school, I was allowed to run errands for my teacher, who happened to be a nun. She would send me over to the convent next door to fetch her slippers at the end of the day, because her feet hurt from wearing high heels. I'd take my sweet time and saunter through all three stories of that old house, just amazed that the nuns lived in a home that had rooms with beds and chairs, much like my own. Not sure exactly what I expected to find, but every adventure, large or small, was a bright spot in my otherwise dull life. In both of these instances, my desire to explore, far outweighed my fear of being caught.
Rightfully so, we are taught at a young age that certain things are dangerous...it is the inherent duty of our parents to teach us, within reason, how to avoid certain situations. However, I've noticed in some instances, as we grow into adulthood, some of those lessons may also have the power to harm us....are parents unknowingly passing their own personal fears onto their children? I know of people who unfortunately, choose not to travel at all, due to fear of the unknown, and other members of their family follow suit. On the other hand, we've traveled as a family from day one....as toddlers, our children were in the back seat of our car during a cross country road trip, from Fort Sill, Oklahoma to Holyoke, Massachusetts. Stacey had flown her first round trip international flight, from Germany to New York City, at the tender age of one. It gives me no greater pleasure to know, that both she and Brian (along with Scott and Taryn), continue to this day, to travel and explore many parts of the world as adults. It saddens me to think that not one, but several generations of a family, may be missing out on experiencing what the rest of the world has to offer.
I don't pretend to completely understand the lifelong fears that people carry around inside their heads, although I do know from my own personal experience, it can limit your ability to carry out even the simplest of tasks. I guess it all comes down to a very basic question...is it scarier to confront your fears and push through them, or is it scarier to watch opportunities passing you by, when you allow unknown, imagined consequences to overrule your desire to live life to it's fullest?
It is my goal to leave the fear of all things in the rearview mirror...it offers absolutely no benefit to the quality of my life, it truly only serves to stand in the way of me actually living my life. If we allow irrational fear to have unlimited power over our rational reasoning, we are doing ourselves a total disservice. I've made a conscious decision to hold on to my power.....fear will never have the fuel to create a scary scenario in my life, ever again. I've finally paved over all the "bumps" in my life....I look forward to smooth sailing from here on out. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself what for some, may be a very difficult question.....is it time to face the fear, fire up that steam roller, and take back the power to live my life free from all those things.....that go "bump" in the night?
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