Is the clock our enemy...or is it our friend? It never quite moves at the pace we want...always a little too fast....or never fast enough. As we approach the end of our work day, doesn't time appear to just stand still for no reason? Let's face it, an alarm clock is NEVER our friend..... that nasty snooze button (usually across the room, so you'll actually get UP to turn it off), mocking us each time we reset it. Now I'm not talking about my own personal experience, because I don't use an alarm clock...I "lovingly" refer to myself as one of those obnoxious morning people...jumping (well "jump" may be exaggerating a bit) out of bed when my internal alarm says wakie wakie...no more sleep for you. That voice inside my head can be quite obnoxious at times, I'm rarely very fond of it when it's telling me to get up out of bed. I try to reason with it...I'm not always successful. I'm pretty sure my body would still like to sleep, but my mind has a totally different plan for me.
What happens to our sleep patterns as we age? That is the million dollar question. Does anyone remember, when they get to their 40's and 50's, what it felt like to actually sleep through the night without waking up? Is it just me that has these issues? For whatever reason, I simply can't recall how long ago it was that I slept soundly for 8 hours, from the minute my head hit the pillow...until it was time to get up. Don't get me wrong, I sleep like a rock....and have no issues falling to sleep, I guess I just wish it was for 8 hours, instead of 6!
WARNING--TMI--At first it seemed like I started to wake up just to go to the bathroom....when did that begin....I really wish I knew. I don't recall this being an issue years ago...did my bladder shrink or something??? I'm not ingesting any additional liquids before bedtime...so why is a trip to the toilet waking me from my sleep? I am sure there is a scientific reason for all this...I'm just too busy at the moment to google it. I'd always return back to my cozy spot in the bed chanting to myself..."you are still sleepy...go back to sleep...don't think ANY thoughts...go back to sleep....come on you can do it....go back to sleep" and for a very long while, probably years, it worked. Sorry to say, unfortunately for me, now it doesn't :(
Clearly, we all have an internal clock, if we listen to it carefully, it will easily tell us when it is time to sleep and when it is time to wake. I've learned just recently, that it just makes more sense to allow it to take over and dictate my sleeping pattern...I actually feel better when I do. The down side of all this, I've become very good friends with 3 am in the morning. It wasn't so long ago, that we used to be enemies...I've come to accept, that these few precious quiet hours, at the beginning of my day, can be productive....I'm writing with a clear head (well most of the time--although it may not appear to be clear to anyone reading this), and that can't be all bad.
There is of course, a tradeoff...in order to get my 6 hours of dead-to-the world sleep in, I usually go to bed at 9 pm on a good night...sometimes earlier...and sometimes it's actually the old falling-asleep-on-the-couch routine....then eventually stumbling into bed in a stupor. I try really hard not to give in to that voice in my head...you know.....the one that ever so gently says, "close your eyes, it will feel soooo good, and this couch is pretty darn comfy too...who needs that old bed anyway" At that point, I'm having a full blown argument inside my head--always interesting to see which part of my brain will prevail. More times than not, I smarten up, get my sleepy butt to bed and enjoy my precious 6 hour night of uninterrupted sleep.
You might be thinking, well just stay up later and you'll sleep later...been there, done that...not so good. I can function like that for a few days if we are away for a long weekend visiting family, and just recently for two weeks while we were cruising. However, eventually it all catches up to me, and it's just not pretty. I get very wonky, things start happening outside my control and I'm quite sure it's my body saying "enough already, this just isn't working for me...can we please at least get back to our "normal" sleep pattern?" and I eventually give in. It's so much easier and my mind and body can begin once again to coexist as a cohesive unit.
For a very long time, I fought with the idea of getting up to begin my day at this "middle of the night" hour...it just didn't seem normal. Well, I've never actually claimed to be normal...and what is normal for one, is obviously not normal for another. We have to find what works for us and make it our own normal. Or in my case, abnormal???? So be it, this is my world, and I will find a way to turn it into something positive...I use this time to write down whatever is bouncing around in my head...some ideas fly through quite quickly and get jumbled up with the very next thought, which just pushes the other one out of the way. Some stay for awhile and begin to flesh out into a story before I have a chance to grab my IPad...others, write themselves before I even open my eyes each morning. It can get very crowded here inside my head, but writing helps to slow things down a bit every now and then. It requires me to concentrate on one subject instead of juggling ten at a time. I do that at work all day long....believe me, it's really not fun, especially when a thought leaks out and disappears before you've had a chance to write it all down. My mental notepad is just simply running out of space...either that, or the sticky pads in my mind appear to be loosing their glue.
So, I am thankful for this time I have, to sit and write out what happens to be forefront in my mind. The subject matter is always random, I have ideas and make lists of various things I'd like to "discuss"....but then again, in order to discuss something, don't you need more than one person? Ok, since no one else is awake at this early morning hour, I'll just have a continuous one-sided discussion...with myself. You are more than welcome to come along for the ride...there is no guarantee that much of what I include in this blog will be the slightest bit interesting. It seems to be a way of getting some of this constant stream-of-consciousness, for lack of a better term...once and for all OUT of my head and onto the page.
Just when I've finally come to terms with my new schedule and thought things were running along smoothly...I realized Daylight Savings is just around the corner... oh brother...here we go again!?!?
No comments:
Post a Comment