Communication...put one word in front of the other...

At a very young age, before we are even able to move our lips in a way to make ourselves understood...we hear words. We are not quite sure what they mean, they fly through the air around our little ears, and yet they seem to be repeated over and over from the moment we are born until we take our last breath. We begin at a very slow pace to recognize those words, then we slowly begin to understand those words, then eventually we are able to say those words, and lastly, we are able to communicate what we mean to others with those words. Here's a question that has been baffling me for more years than I care to remember....why don't we actually use our words more often to communicate????

I'm sure you are familiar with the phrase...."out of the mouths of babes" and there was also a tv show years ago hosted by Art Linkletter in 1959 and then resurrected by Bill Cosby in 1995 called "Kids Say the Darndest Things". I know I enjoyed the pure innocence and loved to sit and watch these young children freely, honestly and with very little concern, say the first thing that popped into their heads when asked any manner of questions. We were entertained simply because those kids were able to say things we would never dream of repeating as adults. Most of us were taught as we grew up to either be quiet or to censor almost everything that came out of our mouths for fear of saying the wrong thing and never mind the truth or what is actually on our mind.

Interestingly enough, as we age and find ourselves in the last years of our life, we somehow revert back to our childhood habit of blurting out what ever is on our mind and we find the honesty in our words once again. Except by this time in our life, we are considered doddering old fools who just don't care what anyone thinks about us anymore. It's almost as if we have one last chance to tell the world how we really feel after a lifetime of pussy footing around the truth.

Human beings are the only living species that have been given the gift of speech and we muck it up during almost all of our entire adult lives. We don't say what we mean, and therefore we don't really ever know what the truth is and we never truly learn to actually communicate in the true sense of the word. We know in our hearts how we feel, and a good portion of us have continuous one sided conversations with ourselves and keep 95% of how we feel under wraps. Why.....because that is what we are taught and we think badly of others that speak their mind. Or perhaps we are jealous of how honestly and freely they state how they feel and/or we think less of them for not holding their tongues.

As adults, we judge people everyday by the words that come out of their mouths, and yet we wait with baited breath for those first few spoken syllables uttered by our children. And then sadly, once they've mastered the human language, we teach them to watch what they say and slowly swallow the honest words that come to their lips. What is wrong with this picture and can't we plainly see that we have become a society of polite people who are frustrated by holding back how we truly feel for fear of upsetting those around us.

I once saw a movie written and directed by Ricky Gervais called "The Invention of Lying" which affected me more than I could imagine. By using his comedic genius, he brought to light how as a society, we choose false statements over truth during more of our life than we care to admit. Or, as in most cases, we just don't say anything at all....because that is exactly what we were taught..."if you don't have anything nice to say....don't say anything at all" sound familiar???? Sadly, it's how I've actually lived my entire adult life, and I still do to this day. We are so concerned about hurting other folks feelings, and putting everyone else's concerns before our own, that we get lost in who we are or what is best for us. They say honesty is the best policy, however, no one really wants to hear the truth if it has the potential to be hurtful to others, regardless of how it makes us feel. So in essence, we are unable to be honest with ourselves, which keeps us in a vicious circle of a life without truth. How sad...and yet true.

How did we go from small children encouraged to use our words to adults that don't know how to complete a sentence that is 100% truthful. We avoid subjects, skirt the issue, play mind games and leave most of what we are thinking unsaid. In an effort to avoid being labeled "outspoken" or someone who has diarrhea of the mouth, we clam up and suck in our words before they are able to slip through our lips. We make statements under our breath, or chastise ourselves for thinking such unkind thoughts all the while knowing full well that we are being honest, if only in our minds. We learn to "keep it to ourselves" or share our thoughts with a few trusted like-minded people in our inner circle.

Is it possible to find a happy medium in our lives and speak the truth more and lose the urge to cover up or suppress it. Is honesty really the way we want to live our lives, or is it truly beyond our reach as humans trying to cope with the decisions that we've made. We joke and make light of things in an effort to show a glimmer of the truth lying just below the surface. I believe this is a common defense mechanism that all of us defer to when overloaded during certain types of situations. Could we possibly live and prosper in a world where truth was the only option and our communication skills were never questioned or lacking.

If there is one lesson I take away from all of this, it's to be more honest with myself and others, and to continually be able to convey those thoughts in a way that is beneficial to everyone. I can only hope that my children will teach their children that it is key to communicate and be honest with others, if you are first true to yourself. It's as simple as putting one word in front of the other....



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