What I learned AFTER high school…ummmm……pretty much everything

I may not be jumping on a big yellow bus everyday and storing my belongings in a hallway locker, but even though those formative high school years are 30 + years behind me, it doesn’t mean that my days of learning are over. Just in the year 2008, I have acquired some new knowledge and interesting things that assist me in my day-to-day life. There’s always been one thing about grades 1-12 that I’ve always felt strongly about…they don’t really teach you how to survive in the real world. If so, there would have been classes like “How to Potty Train a 2 Year Old While Keeping Your Sanity” when you feel like giving up and figure your child will wear a diaper forever. It would have been helpful to sign up for the “How to Hide the Dent in the Tire Rim From Your Husband” class after you’ve just cut the corner too close when pulling into a parking space. That would have really come in handy if you are married to someone who graduated at the top of his class and learned how to pick “The Greatest Tire Rims on Earth” which I think they teach in shop class because they sure didn’t teach that one in Home Economics. We won’t even go down the road about the classes offered to boys and girls in the 70’s and how they differed. Of course I would be the first to admit that a class entitled “What To Do When Your Car Breaks Down and You Are Stranded On The Side of 395 in Single Digit Temps With Two Small Children” would be obsolete in these times, what with the invention of the cell phone and all. However, a class about “How to Comfort Your Ill Husband When He is Living In Korea and You are Back Stateside With Your Children” would have been informative and come in handy during our Army years. After many years away from those smelly locker rooms and obnoxiously unnecessary homework assignments, I have come to fully understand that most of what we learn comes from on-the-job-training. More importantly, parenthood and marriage top the list of How-To classes that we’ve all attended or will probably attend in one form or another. And don’t think that just because you have been married for more than 30 years, you ever really graduate or that you can celebrate after final exams are completed. It is a continuing education type of enrollment and it’s the same with being a parent. When your 29 year old daughter, who lives a thousand plus miles away, tells you that she is having her wisdom teeth pulled and has no choice about going back to work the next day, your mothering instinct jumps in and you still feel the need to remind her to give herself time to heal. A particularly difficult lesson we learn later in life, is that we are no longer responsible for handling our grown children’s health issues, even when we feel the need to be by their side.

I am proud to announce a few of the things I learned in 2008—in no particular order:

--I love grapefruit but only if it is peeled down to the pulp—no membrane allowed

--that you should always take a cab because even in a wet bathing-suit, it can be too hot for anyone walking at noon…..in the sun, in South Beach, in September

--that you should never forget your chap stick because it can be lip-numbingly cold waiting for a cab….after midnight, on a windy Chicago street corner, in October

--I really enjoy the shows Mad Men, CSI, NCIS and Lost which I never saw when they were aired on TV because my head hits the pillow between 9 & 10 so nothing of any interest beginning around 9 ever works for me

--watching an entire season of one television program after it comes out on DVD is so much more enjoyable than sitting through commercials and waiting from week to week—let's face it, I am just not that patient

--that the library in our town has the full seasons of most of the above listed series that we missed on TV so we can watch them now for free

--that those tiny little white extra buttons that you get when you buy a piece of clothing, actually come in handy to use behind your ear (between the screw back stud) to keep the earring from drooping over

--My son taught me that adults who never enjoyed video games (even when they bought them for their children to play) can have fun as long as they are up off the couch using WII or WII Fit

--that waiting for something new to come in the mail around the holidays, makes you feel like a kid again

--that you can spread mascarpone cheese on just about anything

--that both of my children plan to have children—I’m a patient grandma-to-be and can wait until the time is right (at least I keep telling myself that)

--My son and future daughter-in-law taught me that Chicago has some wonderful places to eat

--that when you are really, really, really bored at work (because your boss is gone on a 10-day vacation)—it is ok to download an audio book into your IPhone and listen to it at your desk while you are working. It breaks up the boredom and is somewhat enjoyable even if you are accustomed to reading at a very fast pace and the narrator speaks mind-numbingly slow

--that ITunes is a really cool place to find free stuff to download—I just wish the audio books were free

--that I am going to have a daughter-in-law in 2009

--that my son can keep a big secret and is very inventive and surprisingly romantic (I guess a mom is not supposed to know about the level of her son’s romantic side)

--Although I initially realized this years ago, I continue to discover how much I love the lives of my grown children

--My head looks pretty good in a hat

--that you can never have too many Q-tips

--that it is never too late to go back to college and achieve the GPA that you deserve

--that the hand mitt I use to clean cat hair off the furniture works equally as well cleaning up my own hair from ALL OVER the house

--I relearned how much work long hair is—but I still am loving it

--that broccoli slaw tastes better than coleslaw especially with hot sauce on it

--when the stores are out of stock around the holidays---check online and you may be pleasantly surprised especially with clearance items

--you can travel with more clothes than you need and still not get charged for the extra suitcases (sorry to say for future travelers, this bonus expired soon after I learned of it)

--that dark chocolate covered pretzels taste better than the milk chocolate ones

--My daughter taught me that Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with family and reconnect with old friends

--that if you buy 2 healthy sides (chicken breast and small salad) in the cafeteria, instead of just going to the salad bar, you get 2 punches on your meal card in one day which gets you closer to the buy-12-get-one-free meal that much faster

--My daughter taught me that the IPhone ROCKS and now I can never live without mine

--that I really suck at down-hill skiing on WII Fit but kick ass on the ski jump—of course we are still talking about the beginner level at this point—just wait until 2009!!!!

--My husband taught me that a glass jar of anything, without checking to see if the lid is completely tightened, should never be put inside a moving car (how do you get the smell of pickle juice out of carpeting...anyone? btw--he pulled this stunt-not me)

--the inexpensive parmesan cheese rinds that they sell at our upscale grocery stores adds wonderful flavor to soup (oh God--did I just mention I cooked this year???)

--that I love to do absolutely nothing together with my husband—maybe that is why we are still together after 31 years...Happy Anniversary honey :)