One Full Bucket is Enough for Me to Carry

I don’t know that there was ever a light-bulb moment in my life when I suddenly realized that other people’s opinions weren’t important to me.

And it’s not that I don’t care how other people perceive the world. I do. I find that interesting.

I probably just don’t care that much about how they perceive MY world.

I think people put so much energy into being people pleasers. And there’s a time and a place for wanting to please people. Everybody wants to put their best foot forward. You want to be kind. You want to be considerate. You want to be your authentic self.

But don’t turn yourself into something you’re not, just to raise someone else’s opinion of you.

That’s not where you need to put your energy in life.

Shouldn't the basis of our life be what is important to us, not what is always important to other people?

It’s really not rocket science.

If you’re just a good, kind, honest, caring, conscientious person, there’s a ripple effect to that. The people around you will see who you are because of the way you live your life and the way you treat people.

You don’t have to manufacture their opinion of you.

And yes, when I reflect back on my life at 67, there were definitely times when I cared more and put more energy into the people-pleasing side of myself.

But somewhere along the way, over a long period of my life, I realized there really wasn’t any benefit to putting that kind of energy into what other people thought of me. There was simply no value added to my life in that pursuit. In all honesty, it can have the opposite effect and take value away from our lives. We spend so much time with that as being a high priority, we miss the everyday joy of actually living. 

I don’t remember exactly when my mindset changed. 

Perhaps it happened at the time in my life during the transition to becoming an empty nester, and the focus was no longer on the child rearing years.

There wasn’t one moment when I woke up and decided I didn’t care what anybody thought anymore.

And it didn’t change who I was.

I was still the same person.

I just stopped putting energy into dwelling on what other people thought about me.

Instead, I continued to do the best I could every day.

At the end of the day, I’m the one who has to look in the mirror.

Am I pleased with how I carried myself today?

Was I kind?

Was I honest?

Was I caring?

Did I treat other people well?

Did I do the best I could?

Those are the things I can control.

How somebody else perceives my actions is something I have absolutely no control over.

And the way somebody else chooses to treat me is on them. It isn’t on me.

I can control how I treat them.

I can control the kind of person I am.

I can control whether I’m pleased with the person looking back at me in the mirror.

That’s where my energy belongs.

And I think once I stopped putting energy into everybody else’s opinions, the rest just came naturally.

I didn’t stop caring about people.

I didn’t stop caring about their thoughts, their experiences or the way they see the world.

I simply stopped feeling responsible for how they saw MY world.

Their opinion belongs to them.

I don’t have to carry it.

Now, looking back at 67, it seems so basic.

Do the best you can every day.

Be kind. Be honest. Be caring. Be conscientious.

Treat people the way you want people to treat you, with respect.

Live your life according to what is important to you.

And at the end of the day, be somebody you’re pleased to see when you look in the mirror.

The rest belongs to everybody else.

One full bucket is enough for me to carry.